
Why Does Borderline Personality Disorder Hurt So Much?
Every mental health disorder can cause considerable emotional distress, but some seem to be especially painful. For example, why does borderline personality disorder hurt so much?
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What Is Borderline Personality Disorder?
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a complex mental illness that is characterized by a pattern of instability in relationships, self-image, and emotional expression.
One reason why borderline personality disorder hurts so much is that its symptoms can prevent people from developing emotional resilience or trusting their loved ones to provide support.
Though children and teens can exhibit signs of BPD, most people who have this condition aren’t diagnosed until they have reached adulthood.
Symptoms
As established in the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), a person must meet five or more of the following criteria in order to be diagnosed with borderline personality disorder:
- Frantic efforts to avoid being abandoned, even if there is no credible evidence that this is likely to occur
- History of several intense but unstable relationships, during which the individual alternately idealizes and devalues their partner
- Extreme fluctuations in a person’s self-image or sense of self
- Lack of impulse control in at least two areas that can lead to significant personal harm, such as reckless driving, unsafe sex, substance use, and excessive spending
- Repeated threats or behaviors related to self-harm and/or suicide
- Intense episodes of anxiety, irritability, or dysphoria that last from a few hours to a few days
- Persistent sense of emotional emptiness
- Poor anger management, including frequent outbursts of rage and/or physical aggressiveness
- Occasional periods of paranoia or dissociation (the sense of being detached from one’s thoughts, body, or surroundings)
Anyone who exhibits signs such as the ones listed above should be assessed by a mental health expert or other qualified professional. Receiving an accurate diagnosis can be an essential step on the path toward effective treatment and improved health.

Effects
Untreated BPD can prevent a person from living a full and satisfying life. Depending on the type and severity of a person’s symptoms, the effects of this disorder can include:
- Inability to form and maintain healthy relationships
- Frequent conflicts with friends, family, peers, and colleagues
- Difficulty finding and keeping a job
- Failure to establish financial independence
- Being arrested, fined, or jailed due to aggressive or impulsive behaviors
- Medical concerns due to aggression, impulsivity, and poor self-care
- Substance abuse and addiction
- Onset or worsening of co-occurring mental illnesses
- Elevated risk of suicide
Here are three statistics that underscore the impact that borderline personality disorder can have on a person’s life:
- Studies have determined that borderline personality disorder affects 0.7%-2.7% of the general population. However, the rate of BPD is about 12% among those who have received outpatient mental health services and about 22% among those who have received inpatient psychiatric care.
- Average life expectancy of people with BPD is about 20 years shorter than among those who don’t have this condition.
- Experts estimate that the rate of suicidal thoughts and actions among people with bipolar disorder may range from 40%-85%.
To put the final statistic above into context, research suggests that about 4.3% of all adults in the U.S. had suicidal thoughts in the past year and about 0.6% attempted to end their own lives.
Why Does Borderline Personality Disorder Hurt So Much?
Why does borderline personality hurt so much? Though everyone who has this condition is impacted in a unique manner, here are four common reasons why BPD may cause people to experience such intense emotional suffering:
Association With Trauma
Researchers have found a strong link between childhood trauma and borderline personality disorder, with some studies suggesting that as many as 90% of those with BPD have histories of trauma.
The link between trauma and BPD is so strong that many experts have called for a reclassification of this condition, arguing that it should be changed from a personality disorder to a form of complex posttraumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD).
Problematic Relationships
Healthy relationships can be valuable sources of strength and support, while dysfunctional romantic partnerships can have a profound negative impact on a person’s mental health.
For someone with BPD, the inability to establish lasting relationships can contribute to their self-esteem problems and cause considerable emotional pain. This can be true even if the individual with BPD is the one who frequently ends their relationships due to their devaluation of their partners.
Unstable Sense of Self
Our understanding of who we are is a central component of our emotional well-being. Someone who lacks this fundamental aspect of their identity due to BPD may feel as though they are adrift or untethered.
Instead of basing their decisions and actions on their core values, they may lurch from one extreme to the other without any apparent consistency or logical progression. This can cause problems in virtually every part of their life, including disrupting their relationships and exacerbating their fear of abandonment.
Fear of Abandonment
Among the many other benefits that family members and friends bring to our lives, they help us build an emotional safety net. When you know that those who care most about you will continue to love you even during trying times, it may be easier to keep your fears in check and remain hopeful.
Due to their intense fear of abandonment, people who have BPD are unable to experience this level of support and security. This, understandably, can be a cause of ongoing psychological distress.
How Is Borderline Personality Disorder Treated?
Treatment for borderline personality disorder can occur at several levels of care, and it may involve a variety of prescription medications, therapies, and support services. An approach that is ideal for one person may offer little to no benefit to another, which underscores the importance of finding a provider that develops truly customized treatment plans for each patient.
Level of care options for BPD treatment include:
- Residential treatment
- Partial hospitalization program (PHP)
- Intensive outpatient program (IOP)
- Outpatient program (OP)
Depending on your unique needs and the parameters of the program you’re currently in, your care may include elements such as:
- Individual psychotherapy
- Group therapy sessions
- Family therapy and education
- Cognitive-behavioral therapy
- Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT)
- EMDR and other trauma therapies
- Holistic therapies
No medications have been developed specifically to treat the symptoms of BPD – but medication can be beneficial if you have been experiencing anxiety, depression, or certain other co-occurring mental health concerns.
Find Treatment for BPD in Philadelphia
New Mind Wellness offers personalized outpatient services for individuals whose lives have been disrupted by borderline personality disorder, other mental illnesses, and co-occurring substance use disorders (addictions).
Out team will work closely with you to identify the full scope of your needs, so that we can provide the focused care that will best prepare to make sustained progress toward a healthier future. Every step of the way, we’ll encourage you to play an active role in your care, with the goal of empowering you to take ownership of your continued recovery.
To learn more about our outpatient BPD treatment center in Philadelphia, PA, or to schedule a free assessment, please visit our Contact page or call us today.
